FEAST BEFORE THE FAST

Today is Ash Wednesday.  It begins Lent, 40 days excluding Sundays until Easter.  Lent is a time of repentance, fasting, and intentional focus.  Another explanation, as my younger daughter explained to her father, "a time of giving up something to bring you closer to God". This time is a representation of the time when Jesus was led in the wilderness, fasted, prayed, and tempted by Satan.  

I had decided for months that I was going to give up no added sugars.  The countdown until today had been on as I was enjoying my desserts.  Before I even got to today, I was already planning for the feast before and after Lent to celebrate my journey. This seems a little premature and totally backwards to be thinking about the feast before the fast.  My older daughter knew that I was giving up no added sugars.  She made me a pan of brownies with a scoop of chocolate chip cookie baked on top. The chocolate cookie dough was made by my husband and my daughters.  It then became a family affair. When we bought the brownie mix and just looking at the picture, I was so excited.  I did not eat any of the brownies until the next day. I so looked forward to them all day, a brownie with a scoop or two of vanilla ice cream on top.  When I actually had the decadent dessert that I had thought about for two days, I was disappointed.  It had nothing to do with my daughter's baking skills.  The brownie was moist, rich chocolate flavor, and paired perfect with the ice cream. The dessert was not as good as I had hoped or expected.  In my disappointment, I did not even finish the dessert.  Who does that? I cannot remember a time where I have not finished my dessert.  

It was then I realized that the dessert could not fulfill my desires.  The desserts could not or was not meant to fulfill the empty place that existed.  Empty place is something missing from our life whether it is something that is lost or something we want to change.  Often times our empty places are filled in ways that were not meant to be. Truth be told, we don't even recognize we have an empty place.  We live a life on auto pilot just ignore it and keep going to get through life. 

I would like to tell you what the empty place is that I am trying to fulfill.  There are many things that it could be: my daughter that will be leaving for college in the fall, my disabled husband's health, impatience in life situations that I have no control over (I know this is totally vague but still figuring this one out), or all of the above.  No amount of sugar is going to change any of these things.  

I am trying to view empty places differently.  I want to see empty places as a good thing rather than bad.  Empty places create space for making new goals, doing what I can do by being present in the moment, or being still and trusting God. 

As today begins Lent, I studied the scriptures about the wilderness journey, Matthew 4:1-11.  As I mentioned already, Jesus was led in the wilderness, fasted, prayed, and tempted by Satan.  He did not prepare by having a feast before the fast.  He went into the wilderness to fast and pray to prepare for doing God's work.  At the end of his fasting and prayer, he was tempted three times by Satan.  Each time, Jesus rebuked Satan with God's Word. Satan was patient and waited until Jesus was isolated,  vulnerable, and weak. Satan questioned Jesus' identity. Satan challenged Jesus even by using scripture.  Satan made false promises.  Three temptations each dominated by the Word of God. He overpowered Satan by calling him out and God's word. After the angels cared for Jesus, he began preaching, called disciples, and healed sick.  

My plan to give up no added sugars is just a delayed obedience.  I have felt the nudge for a while to be more mindful of my eating habits.  What could this Lenten season be like or rather prepare me for if I entered in not planning for the feast at the end but fasting, studying the Word, and demolishing temptations?  Are you planning a feast before the fast? Are you hopeful of the possibilities during the Lenten season? Will you join me and be still in the empty place? 

I am not claiming to be expectant of big plans as God did for Jesus but I am hopeful to appreciate the empty place during this wilderness journey. Empty places create space for grief, hope, and being still.